Sequestration, or back to the fiscal cliff's edge

All the hype about the fiscal cliff has died away. Now we're facing another self-created crisis: sequestration, which is basically the return of the fiscal cliff. We postponed it for a couple of months, but now it's ba-a-ack! Congressional committees haven't been able to agree on how to handle the need to reduce the deficit, so the problem gets kicked further down the road. It reminds me of parents, talling an disobeying child, "Okay, just this once, you can stay up past your bedtime even though you didn't do your homework. But NEXT TIME will be different..."

The trouble is, Congress is both the parent and the child in this scenario (with some members more like children than others). Congress is failing to regulate its own behavior and decision-making process, and no one has the authority to put them in timeout.

What would Thomas Paine say? He was against the creation of paper money at all. He believed that paper money was "at best a bubble" and that the government should use gold and silver as their currency, which would keep it from spending money it didn't have.

Government spending has increased over the years. Democrats appear to value entitlement programs over fiscal responsibility, while Republicans appear to be caught between their desire to cut the deficit and their fear that national defense will suffer. The result is, grown men elected as leaders of our country, paid a healthy salary and receiving Cadillac-level benefits, are refusing to do their job. They can't work out a solution that will combine spending cuts with ongoing funding of high-priority items.

I want babies from low-income families to get the milk they need. I want Grandma to be able to afford her blood pressure medicine. I don't want to leave a crippling debt and punitive tax rate to my children, and I certainly don't want North Korea to kick our butt. Is that too much to ask? For $3.8 trillion, I don't think so.

So, short of requiring both houses of Congress to attend a Dave Ramsey Financial Peace University, followed by a Dr. Phil intervention to make their relationship work, how do Democrats and Republicans work together?

They can start by remembering they're on the same team. We all are. Team America. No, not the movie. T.P. said, "Our great title is Americans." It sounds hokey and simplistic to say we're all one country, that we need to remember the "united" in United States, but maybe Congress needs the reminder. So here goes.

Members of Congress, we the people are your boss. You invested a lot of time and money in trying to get the job. Don't whine because it's hard or because you don't like all the other employees. I don't like all my fellow cube farmers. Tough. I do my job, and you need to do yours. In the words of the great American Tim Gunn: make it work. You have experts and textbooks and even this thing called the Internet where a few million kindly souls would be willing to offer their ideas and suggestions, since the only choices you seem to see are gridlock or sequestration. How about a nice, gentle hike down the face of our mountain of debt, guided by a map YOU, CONGRESS, have created?

Sound too difficult? Then quit. Go back to being a lawyer or a millionaire or whatever you did before. Otherwise, as at the next election, we T.P.'ers, who by then will surely be dozens strong, will storm the steps of the Capitol, and in the words of another great* American, shout, "You're FIRED!"


* Term is used for rhetorical purposes only and does not indicate any value judgment applied to Mr. Trump, Mr. Trump's business empire, Mr. Trump's television show, or Mr. Trump's hair.

Happy New Year, Happy New Congress?

I’m not a Democrat. Their reluctance to cut spending in the face of a runaway deficit and their confidence in government social programs as cure-alls for society’s ills frighten me. I’m not a Republican. Their hardline refusal to raise taxes on any Americans and their judgmental attitude towards women who are victims of violence anger me. Neither party represents me well, so I propose a third party. I’m calling it the T.P. party – T.P. in honor of Thomas Paine, because the government certainly needs a dose of common sense today. And yes, T.P. to help deal with all the crap the current government is dishing out.

My Thomas Paine quote of the day is, “We have it in our power to begin the world over again.” With the inauguration of President Obama for his second term and a new Congress, the time for a new beginning is here. To help you, I’ve come up with a list of New Year’s resolutions for the President and the 113^th Congress:

1.       Lose weight. The budget is bloated. I work in the software industry, and especially since the economy tanked, “lean development” is a buzz word. We need lean government. We need legislators willing to pass needed legislation without padding it with pounds and pounds of pork. We need government leaders who are willing to take a hard look at government programs and see where they can be cut or run more efficiently. For the Democrats, don’t automatically go into attack anyone who mentions cutting Social Security or welfare as a greedy capitalist pig who hates babies and the elderly. Be willing to take a hard look at these programs and see if there’s a way to run them more cheaply. For Republicans, don’t assume everyone who talks about cutting Defense spending is a closet commie. We need to examine our spending in this area too, especially as our war efforts in the Middle East ramp down.

2.       Quit smoking (or blowing smoke, anyway). Instead of talking about bipartisanship in the same speech as you take potshots at the other party, leave off the inflammatory rhetoric. You won the election. You don’t have to campaign, for a few months at least. We don’t need the Congressional equivalent of mean girls, who get their thrills from excluding and putting down anyone not in their crowd. You’re all Heathers. Focus on getting work done, not on making the other guy look bad.

3.       Meet someone new. Who knows? The Democrat or Republican across the Senate aisle may have a secret Cyndi Lauper fetish or a collection of old Mad magazines also. You’ll never know unless you reach out. My suggestion is to have a spend-the-night party on the Senate floor. The senators will eat microwave popcorn, listen to One Direction tunes, and reveal embarrassing things about themselves. Suggestions include, “I used to have a Mohawk!” “My first Atari game was Dr. Mario!” or “I actually voted for Michael Dukakis!” Yes, it all sounds very seventh-grade, but I’m hoping Congress is ready for this leap in maturity. And who knows? We might see some new mixed-party BFFs.

4.       Spend money wisely. If you can’t make your budget, you either need more income or fewer expenses. Basic economics. Yes, I know government spending is not exactly the same as household spending, but for those of us who don’t run our own countries, it’s the best model we have. Our deficit is ridiculous. The fiscal cliff deal actually increases it, in spite of the fact that it raised income taxes on a small percent of Americans and Social Security taxes on a large percentage of us.

Since it doesn’t seem likely a significant tax increase will come soon (other than the increased costs associated with Obamacare), you need to generate income in another way or cut expenses. How could you generate income? Retool boring CSPAN broadcasts of hearings and filibusters into a dynamic reality show called Potomac Shore. Then charge CNN and MSNBC to carry it. Create and sell your own line of swag: US (Chocolate-covered) Mints; wireless surround-sound Speakers of the House; a collaboration to produce House Whips for Shades of Red, White, and Blue fans; a calendar featuring Hunks of the House and Studs of the Senate. Or you could all get second jobs and pool your tips to create a Save the Seals fund (not the sea animal – the highly trained naval operatives).
 
If raising more money does not appear feasible, your alternative is to cut spending. How about abandoning that top-notch healthcare plan you have and joining Obamacare with the rest of us? Cut out lifetime pay? Stop lobbying for pork projects in your district? If these hit too close to home, maybe it’s time to try other strategies. You could invite the Extreme Couponers for a how-to session, and maybe they could find you a BOGO deal on a Patriot missile.
 
5.       Spend more time with your family. Enough with the cliff-hanger season finales. CSPAN was going to renew you anyway. Legislate responsibly instead of creating artificial high-stakes showdowns, and you won’t have to spend New Year’s Eve watching the veins in John Boehner’s face explode. All of you should have been celebrating with your families, or at least with your favorite intern, instead of locked in stuffy Capitol chambers trying to prevent a crisis of your own making. You also ruined our New Year’s. The media hype over the fiscal cliff almost made me overlook some Brad/Angelina and Jessica Simpson stories! Retailers can also blame you in part for a weak holiday season. It’s hard to get in the mood to buy Uncle Fred a lobster for his iPhone when the world is about to end or we’re about to go over a fiscal cliff. It’s also Olivia Newton-John’s fault. She missed a golden opportunity to brighten the season with a remake of her 1981 hit: Let’s get fiscal, fiscal! Let me hear your money talk!
 
6.       Get in shape. Paul Ryan, you’re excused from this one. Just keep doing what you’re doing. For the rest of you, I’d like to suggest some possible exercises for the New Year: reaching (out to the other side), stretching (government dollars), walking (the walk instead of just talking the talk), jogging (your memory so you won’t forget the oaths of office you’re taking and the fact that you represent everyone in your district, not just the ones that voted for you).  You have a lot of work to do as you approach Fiscal Cliff #2, and if you train for it by practicing getting along together and playing nice, negotiations may go more smoothly.

If the President and 113^th Congress could focus on these resolutions (or something similar), we might avoid the gridlock and vitriolic partisanship of the past Congress. My New Year’s message to them: Welcome, and welcome back to office! You have it in your power to begin the world over again. Use it well.